There are hundreds of stores just like Sexy Girls of the Hollywood all over Chicago. They sell inexpensive, strippery-looking shoes, cheap earrings and necklaces, underwear with the big padded butts, underwear without butt padding, fishnet stockings, a few wigs, and, oddly, some baby clothes and supplies. (Though I suppose sexy hosiery and procreation are inextricably linked.) Sexy Girls in Albany Park sets itself apart by having a name that’ll get people through the door—people like me, who think a totally unnecessary “the” (what the hell is the Hollywood?) is hilarious and then come really close to buying an $8 pair of jelly sandals that look like they were made by and for old Asian ladies. I know for a fact that one of these days I’m going to need a bigger butt and a wig and fishnets (a sexy Delta Burke Halloween costume? a disguise if I’m on the lam from the law?), and I’ll be glad I know this place exists.